Tuesday, 9 March 2010

stabbed in the back. betrayed. ignored. not many more words or idioms can express how i feel.
nor can they paint a picture of the size of the whole in my chest or the bleeding in my insides.
it isn't the first time i give way too much value and consideration to a person who doesn't really deserve it or take care of it, nor will this be the last. but... i had reckoned that some consideration you had for me. i always knew that looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but i never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. and we had lots of it. we had lots of laughs. we had a good time together.

i loved you. as a lover. as a dearest friend. as a brother. i loved you enough to accept the fact that you didn't love me in the same way and i still anted to be by your side, come rain, come shine, no matter what.

you fooled me. you said we were friends. well, here's a newscast for you: friends lean on each other. friends confide to each other. friends trust each other. i leaned on you, i confided to you, i trusted you. and by doing nothing, you just made me look like i was a burden...
i am pretty much passionate. i overreact, it's embedded in my genes. i'm sensible. i get hurt too easy. and you bloody knew that.

ah, well... now, even though i want you, i... want you dead. even though i will forget you if you come to apologize, i hate you with all the strength inside of me. even though i love you, i can't stand thinking about you. it kills me. you're not worth the scars in my knuckles, you're not worth my melting make up, you're not worth the calories on the chocolates i stuff myself with.

all in all... it makes me feel like a big... nothing. a void. a blank.
and i thought... well, doesn't matter what i thought, huh?
thanks for the honesty. see you around.