Yup, it is pretty clear, now. I have done it all wrong. I thought that by hiding my true soft core I wouldn't get hurt, but clearly I was wrong. I grew hard, got my armour on and got beaten down, nonetheless. I fell, but I rose again, twice as hard, twice as determined to hide myself inside this carcass that now imprisons me.

But now... Now the table has been turned and I'm willing to open up, show my true self to the world. Only, the don't believe me. Truth is, I've been inside this carcass for so long, and I have worn it so naturally, that people don't believe that inside, and not too deep inside, I'm just as fragile as any one of them.

People respect me. People look up to me. People are intimidated by me. But it means absolutely nothing to me right now, as I see that it all draws me apart from them.

I don't want this anymore.

I can't undo everything, but I can try to do some damage control.

And what gives me strengh to try is the thought that, when people see that I've changed, I can finally feel the warmth of a loving embrace.

ID vs EGO (1)

"Say what? Ye gonna throw it all up in the air? All we've gathered? All we've accomplished, aye?"

"Oh, please, be so kind and tell us what on Earth we have accomplished."

"We're feared. We're respected. We're looked up at. We enjoy ourselves, mate."

"But still, we're alone."

"Nay, we ain't alone, sire. We 'ave the world with us."

"Being feared and respected had lead us nowhere."

"If it 'avent yet, it will. And most certainly it 'as saved us from falling into traps. We intimidate."

"You really can't see how it affects us, can you? Intimidating people only draw them away from us. It hurts people and it hurts us!"

"Ah, well... 'choo suggest we then, lad?"

"No idea..."

"Precisely, laddie. There ain't no ohter way now. We're way past the point o' no freegging return. We go a'ead or we get keelhauled."

"We don't believe you."

"Oh, really? Then lead us out."


to be continued...

Give it a thought (1)

Boundaries don't keep others out. They fence you in.

(open up, people!)

And I tell myself to just wait. Cinderella didn't find her Prince untill the end of the stoy.

(so did Snow White, Bella, Ariel, Jasmine, Aurora......)

Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.

(a.k.a.: wake up, damn it!)

Sometimes we have to stop and let go of one dream so we can move forward with another.

(yup....)

Heaven won't take me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

(Soooo true.... )0 )

People who don't know me think I'm shy. People who know me wish I were.

(this also happens to be SOOO true =] )

A chapter ends, a new one begins

I think that is one of the best life-related metaphors. Life isn't one great book. No. Life is like Encyclopaedia Britannica or Larousse: you have a book for each set of letter. You get one book, you get a limited amount of information only. If you want to know it all, A to Z, you need the whole collection. One book completes the other. You can go to one particular volume to read a certain something, indeed. But surely, there's something related to that in some other book.

And Life is just like that. You have books for you friends, family, work, college times, stupid things, fights, unforgettable happenings, philosophical thoughts, love. They are all connected. They complete each other. They can be read independently, yes, but you will only know who one really is if you read one's whole collection. A to Z.

Awkward as it may sound, even though all books are updated on a daily basis, according to that person's day, the books don't have the same number of chapters. No. Actually, it wouldn't make sense. Everytime we accomplish something, we end a chapter and start a new one. This new chapter, alike the last one, ought to have many sub-chapters. As many as made necessary to end this new one on the best way possible. This implies, most times, in help from facts (re)written in the other volumes. But sometimes, no matter how many sub-chapters we've written, things go wrong, we get hurt. (Obviously, as it is me writing, i mean mostly the LOVE volume of the collection, but this tends to happen - not as frequently, true - in all of them.) And because we get hurt and things don't work out, no matter how hard we try, we decide to end that chapter and start a new one, in order to (or at least try to) stop suffering.

There. I finally made my point.

Putting a final period on a chapter of LOVE is never an easy, pain-free task. But it might be (very) necessary. It takes nerve, guts and positive thoughts of a brighter future.

I am putting a final period on this chapter of my Life's LOVE so I can let the subject of this past chapter be written on FRIENDSHIP from now on. Maybe up to the very last chapter of all books. Again, this isn't easy, but it is necessary.

Therefore, hereby I start a new chapter of LOVE. G'd knows what lies ahead, but I have many chapters behind to lean on so I won't make the same mistakes again.