Friday, 15 April 2011

He who has not loved...

... knows not what it is like to be empty of tears.

He who does not cherish the best moments knows not what it is like to wish them to come back like never wished anything else before.

He who has never left the loved one's embrace knows not what it is like to yearn the loving warmth back like a new born breathing for the first time.

No man should be kept away from his or her significant one. They fell in love for a reason, hence being kept apart goes against the nature of love: love is a many splendorous thing, meant to make us happy and alive whilst distance makes us suffer.

But love will find its way. Love always finds its way.

Every little thing is gonna be alright.


Seriously, sometimes I think I am a Carrie of some sort. And there's no one to blame but me. I do this to myself. I don't interact, I don't talk. I barely breath. People oughtta think I'm a sociopath or anything like that.

I wanted to be normal. I'd love to be sociable. It does make life tons easier.

Then again, people are hard to deal with. you think you know them and - BANG, you get shot between the eyes. It's life biggest, bitchiest dilemma. Or at least mine.

Sure I'd love to be surrounded by friends, go out every other night. If only they'd demand no or little emotion, 'cause I don't think I can handle a friendship break up like the last.

I'm completely lost, that's the truth.

My bestest are abroad, the others are far. Even the one closest seems way too far.

It was so damn easier when we were all friends by nature.

I don't know how to start a conversation, let alone a friendship. I just can't. so, I won't. Let my friday nights be reserved to studying calculus, political sciences, demand/offer graphs, web doll dressing, make up face chart drawing and self loathing.

Sunday, 10 April 2011

Paloma Faith's 'Romance is Dead'

The plastic flowers you gave
Sit on the table
So unstable
And there's some greasy fingerprints
On that pre wrote birthday card
You wrote your name in
And I know that you make your effort
But I think you could do much better

Are roses blue and violets red
Say it isn't true
Don't tell me romance is dead
So wake up you sleepy head
All your dreams are just a kiss away

I asked you for a letter
So you emailed
Have we failed?
Oh you kiss with such a potential
Then ask to speed up
It's not enough
And now I'm carrying my own bags up
Seventeen flights of stairs love

Are roses blue and violets red
Say it isn't true
Don't tell me romance is dead
So wake up you sleepy head
All your dreams are just a kiss away

It shouldn't take Valentine's day
Just to show you love me
You don't need any money
Just a vivid imagination

Are roses blue and violets red
Say it isn't true
Don't tell me romance is dead
So wake up you sleepy head
All your dreams are just a kiss away

Well, is it?

Saturday, 2 April 2011

I bleed it out...

Funny thing, it never really got in the way. Being quiet and submissive, keeping all thoughts, angst, anger and sadness to myself felt healthy and accomplishing. I learnt to deal it all by myself, never actually needed to straighten things up with no one, after all I had already done it by myself.

But now... I feel it is as curse. I am absolutely and completely unable to open up to someone. I can sure talk about it to another person, but to the one, never. I am stuck with my anguished, angry, sorry, crying self, unable to make things straight.

And it is little things. The problem is, there are way too many of those little things and I just can't handle them myself alone. I need to speak them out or nothing will change and the wrong will be repeated again and again. I must. Before I explode.

Although, I'm pretty sure that if I do spill my guts out and cry all I have to (again), I'll sound bitchy and selfish. But I can explain. It might not be excusable, but it is explainable: I can't and I don't know how to deal with all these situations.

I can count in one hand the friends I've got, and with the other, the number of times I actually see them, face-to-face.

And the one person I'm supposed to share it all? Well, I just can't. I'm just too damn scared. And senselessly as it sounds, it makes me even sadder that he won't just guess what my mouth just won't say.

I'm fed up with that. I ain't changing for a very long time, if I ever do. I just wish that this phase goes away. I'm tired of feeling abandoned and sad instead of happy for him when he goes out, tired of being down, tired of being so submissive to everyone. I'm tired.

I just want my happily ever after.