Monday, 2 May 2011
It's been a long, hot summer.
Now it's over.
The leaves are falling from the trees, the sky is growing gray.
No more unbelievable heat, no more sweating.
Autumn has arrived, and brought with him my relief. Winter will soon be here. The cold wind, gray skies, freezing nights... My body and mind shiver with anticipation.
Autumn is the prelude of my Winter Symphony. Come Winter, my tired self will be able to take a breath and be fully functional again. Summers are heavy on me. The Sun blinds me, the heat holds back all of my mental and rational faculties.
Last summer was specially hard, though. Way harder than most. No wonder the first breeze of Autumn wind set a fire in my heart: easier days are coming...
I don't mind wearing tons of clothing. I don't mind having my face blushed with the cold air or my fingertips frozen.
Winter is magical. Snowed or not, it is. Winter can do me no wrong. Winter is my element. Winter is my friend.
Winter brings me peace of mind. Winter saves me from the depths of anywhere.
Winter won't let me down. Winter will bring me back to life.
I really didn't see that one coming...
I lived for so long inside that iron armor of mine I actually forgot how it felt to be undressed of it. Surely it got damaged along the way, but all it did was to perfect it. It made me harder, better, faster, stronger. Or so I thought.
I was laced while the armor was being repaired, so I never dressed it again.
At first I thought love would be my new armor and shield me from all and any harm. But now I see it doesn't work that way. It is a different kind of shield. There are many things I must face that the love armor won't do much to help.
And I was buried inside the old carcass so deep, I'm lost. I had forgotten what it is like to cry desperately for a solution. I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't, but I want my old helmet back. Not to get rid of the new one, but to ally one into the other.
I know I must carry on without it, and I'm trying to. But I can't help looking back at it and thinking "what if...".
But my hope is not lost. I know someday I won'r look back on any of it. I know someday I'll be able to be bare naked true and speak out. I know someday I'll be strong enough to be honest to myself.