Monday, 2 May 2011
I really didn't see that one coming...
I lived for so long inside that iron armor of mine I actually forgot how it felt to be undressed of it. Surely it got damaged along the way, but all it did was to perfect it. It made me harder, better, faster, stronger. Or so I thought.
I was laced while the armor was being repaired, so I never dressed it again.
At first I thought love would be my new armor and shield me from all and any harm. But now I see it doesn't work that way. It is a different kind of shield. There are many things I must face that the love armor won't do much to help.
And I was buried inside the old carcass so deep, I'm lost. I had forgotten what it is like to cry desperately for a solution. I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't, but I want my old helmet back. Not to get rid of the new one, but to ally one into the other.
I know I must carry on without it, and I'm trying to. But I can't help looking back at it and thinking "what if...".
But my hope is not lost. I know someday I won'r look back on any of it. I know someday I'll be able to be bare naked true and speak out. I know someday I'll be strong enough to be honest to myself.