Saturday, 12 March 2011
It is absolutely and intrinsically useless to try to make it up to someone who doesn't want it.
More than no wanting to make up, the other person wants to be attacked and be on top at the same time. She wants to be attacked because she wants people to feel sorry for her after you do so. And in order to be attacked, she attacks you. Hence she is on top.
But to worsen it out, she victimizes herself. She gets blinded by her own spiderweb of unbearable and unnecessary drama, and makes your will of making it right thinner and thinner. And it will do no good admitting your wrongs to her, because, even if she admits hers, she'll claim they were all caused by you. YOU were wrong. YOU hurt her. YOU are a bastard.
The other person will never ever consider your side. Eventually, by some miracle or demand of a situation, she might say "let's leave it at that, but i was right all along".
The thing is... Gosh, there are so many things. I could go on and on with this 3 ring circus. But I'm tired. She built it up to a point where i lose my sleep and get ulcers just thinking about social networks. And I don't want it anymore. I don't want to talk. I don't want to make it right, even because there is no way of making it right. Everyone can be hypocrite enough to stand a couple of hours around each other with no direct eye contact or word exchange. And both of us can be pretty damn hypocrite. I'm sick and tired of carrying a weight which is not mine to carry. Whatever we've done, we don't deserve this. We never meant no harm, but now, we just want distance.
A while ago I'd say I'm sorry. But now, I just can't say it. I don't like lying.